Post #002

One would think that working at a bookstore would mean that customers who come through are intelligent, thought-provoking, and jovial. This is definitely true in most cases. I have met great people and have made great friends through people sharing their love of the printed word, recommending and suggesting books and listening to my own opinions. But every so often, you get the kind of customer who should just not be allowed in a bookstore. Below, you'll find a simple set of rules that may help you the next time you pay a visit.

1. Know the Classics
On more than one occasion, I have had people come up to ask for a certain author or book without knowing anything important about it. They don't know the author, the title..anything. That's fine for newer things, as in most cases it seems that a lot of new stuff coming out is only doing so in order to piggy back on certain trends and it's easy to get them mixed up. But it's really weird for someone to come in asking for the original Pride and Prejudice and when I bring them to that book, they say "No. The original version. With the zombies?" Having to explain to someone that the version of P&P with zombies is a recent mash-up of two completely different ideas is disheartening. I mean, there have been plays and comic books and movies based on that one Austen novel alone!

Even more disheartening is when someone comes in and mispronounces an author's name. Don't get me wrong; I have had problems with an author's name before (I mean trying to tell someone that Mark Z. Danielewski wrote House of Leaves is always an adventure). But if you're going to come in, mispronounce SHAKESPEARE's name and then ask me if he's written anything RECENTLY, you need to stick to watching movies. This is a completely real example, by the way. She walked in, couldn't have been older than 19 or 20, and asked me about "William Shackaspear." Shackaspear? Public school, even here in Louisiana makes you read at least 2 or 3 of SHACKASPEAR's plays before you get out of high school. You can't tell me you've never heard his name pronounced. They had episodes in Tiny Toon adventures that centered around him.. I'm sure he's even been mentioned on Family Guy.. And to follow it up with "Is Romeo and Juliet anything like Twilight? Is it as good? Is he working on a sequel to it?" Really? Please go away. Just..give me the book back and go away.

2. Don't Be A Book Snob
Twilight is the first book in a series written by a woman named Stephanie Meyer. It launched an international phenomenon including a movie series, rip-offs, parodies and everything in between. If you don't like it, that's fine. I'm not a fan myself. But if you don't like it, keep it to yourself or at least between you and your friends. Don't come to the store to ask for a particular book and then rant at me for ten minutes why the vampire fiction you enjoy is better than Twilight. Let me just walk you to your book or run and grab it for you. I like conversations with customers. A good story or funny joke can make my day; I love book suggestions as well. Treat people's opinions with respect.


3. Stay Off Your Cell Phone
I like cell phones. I think that they're a great invention. In the middle of an emergency, a cell phone could save a life. It's rare that I'm not texting or looking at the latest news update, but I'm not on it when I'm talking to someone in front of me. Cell phones can be problematic with certain people. If you engage a bookseller into a conversation about a book you need, don't jump back on your phone. We may need more info or we need to know where you're shipping it if it's a special order. The person you're talking to on your cell can wait. Let them know you're conducting business. Especially at the registers!

"Your total ma'am is 19.62."

"And it was all over the table too. How much?"

"19.62"

"Yeah, I swear. How much? 72?"

"19.62."

"Mhmm. Yeah.. Total?"

"I'll need your soul and something that plays beta max tapes."

"How much, sir?"

"19.62"

See? Problematic.. Oh, and a very special note to "businessmen." Nobody believes you're making any kind of business-related deal just because you walk around the store on your phone yelling "Buy! Buy! Sell! Ham on half with extra cheese!"

4. Don't Relocate The Store
"It's a quiet Sunday morning. I want a good day before going back to work tomorrow. What to do? I know! To the bookstore! Coffee will be had, maybe a cookie and then the books will be perused! And then after I bring a huge stack to the cafe, I'll leave them there and head home!"

Perfect Sunday afternoon in my opinion. Except for that last part. Look, we don't mind that you wanna read all the books. We don't mind at all. We also don't mind if you're gonna take a big stack of books to another part of the store too read it. We'd just like it if you brought the books to the Customer Service desk if you don't want to put it back. We get that it's our job to put the books back, but we're not expecting a scavenger hunt just to find the books we have to shelve. Scavenger hunts are only fun when they involve chocolate or money or booze. Help us to help you. I can't help someone find a book that we should have because you read it yesterday and put in under the model trains in the Kids Dept. The Little Engine That Could isn't gonna bring me that book!


These tips pertain only to a very small amount of customers. Maybe 2 out of ten. Be part of the 80% that are good customers. I know you're usually told to be that rare occurrence, the one that takes the road less taken.. Be unique, but don't be a jerk.