Post #002

One would think that working at a bookstore would mean that customers who come through are intelligent, thought-provoking, and jovial. This is definitely true in most cases. I have met great people and have made great friends through people sharing their love of the printed word, recommending and suggesting books and listening to my own opinions. But every so often, you get the kind of customer who should just not be allowed in a bookstore. Below, you'll find a simple set of rules that may help you the next time you pay a visit.

1. Know the Classics
On more than one occasion, I have had people come up to ask for a certain author or book without knowing anything important about it. They don't know the author, the title..anything. That's fine for newer things, as in most cases it seems that a lot of new stuff coming out is only doing so in order to piggy back on certain trends and it's easy to get them mixed up. But it's really weird for someone to come in asking for the original Pride and Prejudice and when I bring them to that book, they say "No. The original version. With the zombies?" Having to explain to someone that the version of P&P with zombies is a recent mash-up of two completely different ideas is disheartening. I mean, there have been plays and comic books and movies based on that one Austen novel alone!

Even more disheartening is when someone comes in and mispronounces an author's name. Don't get me wrong; I have had problems with an author's name before (I mean trying to tell someone that Mark Z. Danielewski wrote House of Leaves is always an adventure). But if you're going to come in, mispronounce SHAKESPEARE's name and then ask me if he's written anything RECENTLY, you need to stick to watching movies. This is a completely real example, by the way. She walked in, couldn't have been older than 19 or 20, and asked me about "William Shackaspear." Shackaspear? Public school, even here in Louisiana makes you read at least 2 or 3 of SHACKASPEAR's plays before you get out of high school. You can't tell me you've never heard his name pronounced. They had episodes in Tiny Toon adventures that centered around him.. I'm sure he's even been mentioned on Family Guy.. And to follow it up with "Is Romeo and Juliet anything like Twilight? Is it as good? Is he working on a sequel to it?" Really? Please go away. Just..give me the book back and go away.

2. Don't Be A Book Snob
Twilight is the first book in a series written by a woman named Stephanie Meyer. It launched an international phenomenon including a movie series, rip-offs, parodies and everything in between. If you don't like it, that's fine. I'm not a fan myself. But if you don't like it, keep it to yourself or at least between you and your friends. Don't come to the store to ask for a particular book and then rant at me for ten minutes why the vampire fiction you enjoy is better than Twilight. Let me just walk you to your book or run and grab it for you. I like conversations with customers. A good story or funny joke can make my day; I love book suggestions as well. Treat people's opinions with respect.


3. Stay Off Your Cell Phone
I like cell phones. I think that they're a great invention. In the middle of an emergency, a cell phone could save a life. It's rare that I'm not texting or looking at the latest news update, but I'm not on it when I'm talking to someone in front of me. Cell phones can be problematic with certain people. If you engage a bookseller into a conversation about a book you need, don't jump back on your phone. We may need more info or we need to know where you're shipping it if it's a special order. The person you're talking to on your cell can wait. Let them know you're conducting business. Especially at the registers!

"Your total ma'am is 19.62."

"And it was all over the table too. How much?"

"19.62"

"Yeah, I swear. How much? 72?"

"19.62."

"Mhmm. Yeah.. Total?"

"I'll need your soul and something that plays beta max tapes."

"How much, sir?"

"19.62"

See? Problematic.. Oh, and a very special note to "businessmen." Nobody believes you're making any kind of business-related deal just because you walk around the store on your phone yelling "Buy! Buy! Sell! Ham on half with extra cheese!"

4. Don't Relocate The Store
"It's a quiet Sunday morning. I want a good day before going back to work tomorrow. What to do? I know! To the bookstore! Coffee will be had, maybe a cookie and then the books will be perused! And then after I bring a huge stack to the cafe, I'll leave them there and head home!"

Perfect Sunday afternoon in my opinion. Except for that last part. Look, we don't mind that you wanna read all the books. We don't mind at all. We also don't mind if you're gonna take a big stack of books to another part of the store too read it. We'd just like it if you brought the books to the Customer Service desk if you don't want to put it back. We get that it's our job to put the books back, but we're not expecting a scavenger hunt just to find the books we have to shelve. Scavenger hunts are only fun when they involve chocolate or money or booze. Help us to help you. I can't help someone find a book that we should have because you read it yesterday and put in under the model trains in the Kids Dept. The Little Engine That Could isn't gonna bring me that book!


These tips pertain only to a very small amount of customers. Maybe 2 out of ten. Be part of the 80% that are good customers. I know you're usually told to be that rare occurrence, the one that takes the road less taken.. Be unique, but don't be a jerk.

Post #001 [Before the Books]

Black Friday. The day after Thanksgiving. Day O' Doom for Retail Salespeople. That was my first day at GameStop. I'd been wanting to work at GameStop for years, filling out an application every birthday since I was eleven. Then finally, after some of my friends ended up with a job at a particular location, they were able to push my application through. And after a single interview, I got the job. I nearly regretted it. This was November 2007. The Wii had been launched a year before and they were still in short supply. Essentially, if you didn't already have a Wii, you're weren't getting one in time for Christmas. GameStop responded to this situation by hiring what they termed Holiday Help. This translated into "Chubby Guy Holds Box of Broken Dreams."

"Here," my new boss said, handing me a large white box with Nintendo's Wii logo on one side.

"What's this?"

"A Wii box."

"Is there a Wii in here?"

"Well, no. You're selling reservations."

"Reservations," I mumbled.

"A promise! Go with promise."

"Don't we have any Wiis?"

"Well..no."

"Won't people be disappointed?"

"Well..yes." He scratched his head. "But I need you to let them that we will have them soon!"

"How soon?"

"Um..earliest delivery is scheduled for February."

"I hate you."

I took the box from him and wandered to the front of the small store. Through the front door, I could see the barren gray parking lot. We were opening an hour earlier today. 8am instead of 9. And there were already a few cars sitting out front. 7:35..people began getting out of their cars. More cars began to pull up. By 7:55, we had a long line outside. I glanced back at Jeff, my boss, as he checked some stuff on a piece of paper and one of my friends hit play on the DVD that would haunt my dreams. "Are you sure I had to start today?," I asked. "I'd rather go home."

"Yeah, we all do," he smiled.

==============

"And the Wii has a new form of tech called WiiConnect24 which means that even when it's in standby mode, any new software patches or updates that come through will instantly be downloaded." I watched the customer stroke his formidable beard.

"I see. Does it come with any games?"

"It comes with Wii Sports. A collection of sports mini-games that are essentially a demo for what the WiiMote can do."

"Alright, that all seems good! Set me up with one!"

"Okay, well, if you want to follow me up front to the register, I can ring you up for one Wii and then give you your reservation slip."

"What?" He stopped stroking his beard, and, for the first time, looked me directly in the eye.

"Well, we're not going to have Wiis in time for Christmas so we're taking reservations so that when they do come, those who have their pre-paid reservation slips will be able to come in and get their Wii."

"I suppose that'll be okay. Christmas isn't for another month anyway."

"Oh. Well, it'll be a little after Christmas."

"How much after?"

"Not much.. Two months."

"So what you're saying is is that I pay you for something that won't be here in time for my kids' Christmas presents. You are trying to sell me lies! Lies and deceit! Do you want to sell me some bullshit turkey and cranberries? What are my kids supposed to eat on Christmas?"

"Not a Wii, I'd hope."

"No! But now they can't play with their Wii until Valentines Day."

"True. But isn't that a day for love anyway? You could always get them a couple of gift cards for Christmas Day so that they can get stuff they want for that particular day and you can then let em know that they have a Wii coming."

"I suppose. Can I have that Wii box you're holding?"

"What? This one? No, this is mine."

[To Be Continued..]